Hiding and Abiding

I am around my kids and people a lot.  I've found ways to manage. Sure. It's been a learning curve though. I can be the most extroverted person ever.  Then I need time with no input. No noise. No people.

My daughters are in Physics class as we speak.  I begged and smiled my second daughter in the class. She is a bit young for the class but thank you Lord the older one behaved and paved the way for this second one to get in young.  Bless her heart.  I told her to mama and parent that little sister and keep her on track.  The reward?  Candy.  I have no shame. Once you're in that lab, don't come out except to, you know, pee pee. You see, this is an entire hour and a half of no talking.  No listening. Just me and my good reads. I would have paid someone to help her color in the lines for this hour and a half.  Don't care. Physics just sounds loftier.

I can finish huge chunks of book and drift away to an unknown place. The other moms seem nice enough.  Sure I'd probz be friends with them or enjoy chatting about nothing.  But not this time.  This is sacred time I tell you.  No messin around here.

I once told a man that I was mourning my littlest giving up her naps.  He laughed.  I did not.  Any mom reading this knows what nap time is-beautiful. It's just beautiful.  Productive or Pinterest, heck, you could throw a dance party (a quiet one without wine and friends).  You can do whatever you want.  That's quiet.  Because you won't wake those kids up for nothing.  I mean, I used to out signs on the front door.  Do not ring doorbell.  Do not knock.  Or I will cut you.  Love, the Mama

The naps are long gone and I have this time.  And I'm hiding. From what you ask?  Well, there is this mom who talked my head off for the entire hour and a half one day. I ain't got time for dat. Seriously. I am outta words by the time we get here.  I just smiled and nodded and prayed dear Lord please make her go away.  I adore homeschool, talking, singing, answering, explaining.  I enjoy connecting with friends and strangers.  But, ladies and gents, I am hiding from this woman.  Oh, you always have patience?  Carla, grow up?  You'd never do anything like this?  Well, friend.  You are amazing. Amazingly lying.  Yep.  Cause I know full well that you hide too.  Maybe not from people.  But we all hide from someone or something.  Denial. It ain't just a river in Egypt.

Ahem, back on track.  (I don't mean to, well, come unglued.  Not so much the southern lady style.) Morally speaking, lets not hover over my decision to hide.  If I was nice enough and if I appropriately handled the situation, I probably could have said something like, Dear lady, You may not track with me on this.  But I use this time to decompress.  Take off my mommy hat.  Relax.  Unwind.  Because those little girls will be running to me when they get out.  They will need my undivided attention.  To be schooled.  To be delighted in the smallest things, sometimes told to me for the billionth time.  To pick the little one up and carry her cause it's cold outside. To taxi them to their next activity.  To quickly make a healthy dinner without any high fructose corn syrup, additives, GMO's or Elmo's, bought on sale cause dang it we have a budget to adhere to.  Clean up the dinner and dishes in time enough so they get their full 20 minutes of daily reading in and then, maybe then, they won't come out of their rooms for water or to tell me their ideas on recycling or world peace or to tell me they have a wedgie, once in bed so I can sit down while doing two loads of laundry needed for tomorrow and have my quiet again for a wee bit of time before I really need to go to bed.  Hopefully tonight before 12.  Seriously. This time allows to to reflect.  Think about the goodness of God.  I don't need words to fill this time.  I need quiet. I need God. I need his strength.  I. Crave. Him.  There is no substitute.  If I ever get anything done it's in his strength.  In him alone.  I can do all things through Christ. Not Carla. 

I will go read my wonderful book now.  Take my full hour and a half to love on myself.  Nurture my relationship with God.  And perhaps first on my prayer list should be better communication skillz.  But I'm at his filling station. And I get all my strength from him alone.  This is sacred time indeed.