Moving On

It's so close I can count the times I have left to pull my van into this driveway.  How many times I have rock on that porch.  Times I will enter and exit that front door.  The one where we welcomed so many people through the years.  Where coming home from the hospital I stood with my still huge belly proudly holding those newborns. The one where my babies took their first of school year pictures.  I had no idea what was ahead, I was just beyond joyful for those little gifts and the grace gift of a house to put them in.

The door where I announced to my sweet husband our third pregnancy.  That he was going to be a daddy again.  His face delighted.  Our hearts broken when we suffered loss.  The decision to never surprise him again if I ever got the chance...

We'll take one final picture there in a couple of weeks.  It will be vastly different than the one we took there as newlyweds, pleated jeans, fantastic glasses, a flannel shirt and another pink sweater with silver sparkles.  (I still can't decide if the juniors department is the place for me...). We were so young, ready to make memories.  Establish a family.  Our new picture will be silly. With our two girls.  Moving for their future.  For our future.  Because God authored this move, and we all eagerly await his plans, because whatever is in store, it is good.

I learned to cook in that kitchen.  Literally I have come from a girl who used to open a jar of pasta sauce, boil pasta, and y'all that was homemade.  To now- making my own bone broth and deodorant that I could eat if I had to.  I had no idea she existed.  The dinners I burned there.  The buzzer that rings and my little girl comes running to taste.  The buzzer my big girl has learned to turn off. And remind me that I still have food cooking in there.

That oven baked countless dinners- holidays, birthdays.  Birthday cakes.  Oh the birthday cakes.  I still never follow the customers requests!  They come out, I ice them and I cannot stop my confectionery bus.  Glitter, sprinkles, fondant 3D.  Everyone is always surprised at the turnout and I'm always hoping two things- they are actually happy and that they don't use the word, can I type it…moist.  (I just shivered inside…)

Those silly 2 and 4 year old girls hiding daddy's Rainbow flops under there.  Both pairs.  I baked for an entire year in that oven and we finally found them a year later after yet another meal had spilled down the side of that oven.  I think that crack between the oven and counter top houses every single dinner I ever cooked.  I am quite the mess.  My babies helping me cook.  Making messes together is something I've grown in to.   God's good grace to this perfectionist healing mama having these girls wanting to help.

This house has built me.

The air vents where my little girl, two at the time, discovered and loved to hear Tinkerbell shoes drop drop drop.  How I wish I had it on camera me explaining once again to that little girl we can't do that- vacuum in hand.  (End wrapped in panty hose, in case this happens to you…)  Her little face looking up at me all serious.  Then that rascal moved on to different families of toys.  Again, same talk.  How I do a lot of talking in this house…a lot of explaining.

That precious coffee stain on the carpet that I can still sometimes see.  The one where that little girl brought me my coffee on the toilet.  Bless her heart she knew I loved my coffee, and I had left it to use the bathroom.  All proud hobbling over to give it to me.  Because kids are messy under construction like that.  We are messy sometimes when we try to do good things.  And our Daddy.  Our Loving Daddy, smiles and loves and extends grace.

They learned to walk in this house.  Down the cul-de-sac street.  Skinned knees.  Fluffy carpet to catch their falls.  A safe place to fall has been my prayer.  Lord make this house a safe place to fall...

I wonder about that third bedroom.  I wonder about this mama who wanted more children, facing a reality that this may be delightfully enough.  That third bedroom served as a playroom.  A guest bedroom, but never a nursery.  I'm not sure that I'll ever feel like our family is complete.  Loss just does that I think this side of heaven...

I remember all the hours my husband spent nailing chair rail, crown molding for those other two bedrooms.  Painting it the perfect shades of yellow (touch of gray, not-circus-come-to-town please) and pink (pale, modern, again, not so much pepto bismol).  Getting those girls in the morning and from their naps, babies giggling so happy to see me.  Rocking and reading books, singing hymns my grandmother taught me, hearing them sing  along with me.  Smelling their scent when I walk in their rooms.  Goodnight prayers that are so big for such little people.  Night lights because Light makes life less scary.  Sorting clothes and two different sizes of panties. (Did I ever know that as a mother I would use the word "panty" so much?)

I remember that granola bar she ate that day in her room.  Wishing I had refreshed that infant/child CPR class because I felt so panicked.  My big girl very little back then, choking, and once again, God equipping me for a job I didn't know I could do- the Heimlich- on her little body.  Being so scared but relying on all those years of training at the church for summer day camps- all 6 summers- and I did it.  A young mom to a young child- God gently carries those with young children is a verse I cling to, because I know it's still true of me with not-so-youngs to this day.  

I'll never forget our garage gym, saving to buy those items with my favorite, and the workouts we did there.  The time we had to encourage each other.  My girls playing on the equipment. Santa even bringing them a pull up bar because Santa is an amazing Crossfit fellow.  That hard work always wins.  That being strong is not something to shy away from.  Strength, strong words, mobility is not to be taken for granted...

Those ceilings.  Those high ceilings that made Christmas limitless to my buddy the Elf husband, still putting maple syrup in his coffee, already wondering what Christmas will look like this year.  How I always had to go to the tree farm- both for fun but also to contain him.  How that one year I had my baby and stayed home, and he and my bigger girl chose the 11 foot tree.  How his face lit up as we strung lights and placed the special ornaments in the front, ones we don't like in the back.  I couldn't be upset at the blown budget, because he was delighted.  From that year on I never criticized...

The study room where I type this blog- painted a shade of yellow we chose similar to what was in his grandmother's house, we love our past and old things so much.  History tells a story and if this room could talk it- all the lessons of homeschool I have done in here!

A beautiful room turned home school disaster.  I need to call it what it is.  A disaster where I took on teaching my children at home and amid this mess, we thrive.  Amid the mess and loss of "personal time" and one income budget, and sacrificing stuff, replacing with time and love and energy, we never look back.  Our girls are happy, we are happy.  We carry on...

Looking back with very fond memories, yet moving forward with grace.  Hope.  Love.  Banking on the fact God has me.  He has us.  He has swept us up and moves us on, as a couple of people who like to "bloom where you're planted" this is a change for us.  Change is good.  We are right-sizing our home, right-sizing our life.  Right-sizing where we need to be.

We will be singing in a new location, off key with the mess, but perfectly tuned in to the Father.  

I'm taking friends and memories with me, leaving the structure of a house that we are so thankful for.

A home is where your heart is.  These people have my heart.  

Finding Time to Cook and Homemade Granola Bars

I used to make cakes for people and loved making confectionery dreams come true.  Today I still make cakes but on a much smaller scale.

Carrying on…one time a friend and I were talking about an upscale bakery in the area.  She said,

"She doesn't even turn her oven on for cakes less than $200."  

Wow.  Ok then.  So, thinking about this baker makes me consider a few things:

1.  Know your worth.  Stand firm in what you believe to be important.  Even Jesus had boundaries.  

2.  Make your time worth your while.  Which includes walking away sometimes and saying no.  It also includes giving yourself grace and learning from mistakes.  

3.  When it comes to meal prep and keeping people alive in this house, balancing budgets with nutrition and time and energy, two ideas have boosted my thoughts on time in the kitchen...

I only turn my oven on when I have several things to bake.  

I cook at least two meals at a time.  

I have a baking day, where I dedicate a chunk of time to baking.  

Plan meals ahead.  Plan ahead.  Plan.  Eating healthy and saving money requires time and energy.  I remind myself this when I really don't want to cook, shop, and really, really want to make a run through the drive through.  (There is grace of course.  But, grace upon grace is a slippery slope with fast food and sometimes makes me softer and rounder…)

I am like a bull in a china shop in the kitchen.  I LOVE MY GIRLS.  Basically, I'd prefer to be playing with them, ya know?  So I drop this stuff like it's hot...

Today we got home from church, I immediately grabbed the frozen crock pot meal and placed it in the crockpot.  Put rice on the stove with chicken stock I made from roasting my chickens.  

Put sweet potatoes in the oven to bake.  

Fried some eggs for lunch for us.  

Homemade deodorant for a few friends.  

Got the ingredients out for no bake granola bars.  We eat gluten free.  Gluten free can be expensive.  Gluten free out of a box also has lots of sugar and still is processed.  So some things I make myself. My little girl loves to make this recipe with me.  

A couple of notes:  When you are making things at home, you are saving money.  I am not a food purist, meaning, I don't use all organic ingredients all the time, just most of the time.  If you are making these, feel free to substitute as you wish.  Also, feel free to back off the sugar as you wish.  Drive your own cooking bus, baby!

Gluten Free Organic Homemade Granola Bars

adapted from a recipe from Rachel Ray

INGREDIENTS: 

1/4 cup organic butter

1/4 cup organic honey

1/3 cup organic packed brown sugar

2 cups quick cooking gluten free oats (Bob's Red Mill is what I use)

1 cup gluten free organic crispy rice cereal (I'm using gluten free Rice Krispies.  But, if you are feeling more crunchy, by all means go to Whole Foods and use their brand:)

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

2 tablespoons mini chocolate chips (Enjoy life has a dairy-free, soy-free mini chip I love!)

DIRECTIONS: 

-Mix oats and cereal together in a large bowl.  

-On the stove melt butter, honey, sugar to a bubbling boil.  Reduce the heat and cook 2 more minutes.  (I need to stress this- cook longer than you think you should without burning it.  Because if you don't, the granola bars won't stick together…)

-Mix dry ingredients with stove ingredients.  

-Lightly grease a jelly roll pan.  Press this mixture into the pan firmly.  Let it cool just a bit, then sprinkle the chocolate chips on top.  

-Let cool on the counter top.  (Or put in the freezer if you are impatient like me…)  Slice into rectangles.  Wrap these babies up and you can keep them in the fridge until eaten:)

Hope you enjoy them!  Healthy food?  Well, maybe not.  Delish?  Sure thing.  

Kid-Friendly Freezer Meals- How We Eat On a Budget

When I first started teaching, and I came home exhausted, my mom would say, "Teaching is like a muscle, Carla. It will get easier. You have to strengthen it."  She was right every single time- those 32 years of teaching just build wisdom like that.  Just like developing muscles, you literally feel broken down before getting stronger.

So come August/September I know I will be tired.  So very tired.  I plan for the tired.  Also adding the expenses of fall activities, I do this yearly challenge.  

This summer wasn't much of a break for us between my writing up the book proposal and then deciding to move and list our house within a week.  We are one tired family.  Happy?  Yes.  But newborn parent tired.

Before I continue, let me tell you why I ended up at Whole Foods.  You see, I was out of my Maca supplement (google it- amazing results are true go buy you some NOW) and I don't let myself not have at least 1.5 full bottles on hand.  It helps with my stress level, hormones, etc.  Please go buy some.  (Of course check with your doctor first…)  

I buy my Maca capsules at Whole Foods.  I was tired.  I didn't want to stop at the cheaper grocery store on the way home with my girls.  SO I BOUGHT ALMOST ALL THE INGREDIENTS AT WHOLE FOODS. I was under the influence of organic hemp seed oil non-GMO extract.  Or something like that.  Continuing...

Even with my Maca, I always always plan on my September being filled with crockpot meals.  But this year.  This year I found a winning combo.  I've made my own once a month cooking situations, using books from the library, and even have a whole board on Pinterest.   But this time, I used two different sources, added in a breakfast casserole, and really really like what I found (and tasted so far!!): 

1.  Ten Kid Friendly Freezer Meals with Shopping List

Copy, paste and print the shopping list on the above link.  

Click on each recipe on that page and print it.  (printable version makes this easier but this is time consuming- just FYI.)

Shopping:  Take a couple of days to shop so you have it all together.  Have your husband/wife watch the kids.  Remember you can sub out anything you need to!  I used all organic chicken because I was feeling particularly expensive at the Whole Foods.  Bulk shop at Costco.  Use what you have in your pantry, if you can.  Grate your own cheese.  (It tastes better, too!) 

There are two (three?) cans of things in this recipe.  You can find fresh if you need to or just work around it.  I also bought gluten free pasta, tortillas, bread, etc.  With more time, I would buy my gf pasta at Trader Joes and priced my loot at other places.  Again, your bill will most likely be cheaper than mine because of all that crazy!  

Assembling:  Get a mixing bowl to put the empty gallon-size ziploc in to fill.  It will make filling it much less messy.  There really is no order to this- take a recipe, do what it says, write on the bag with sharpie, seal it and freeze.  Your kitchen will be a mess.  This took me about 45 minutes plus cleanup. 

****We have a family of four.  These meals will be two night special for us!!  So, 10 meals is really 20 dinners for us!!****

2.  Paleo 10-lunch prep, I cannot find to save my life.  So I will just get this together in a jiffy and take a little shot from the hip.  It's a nice way to start eating less grains.  A nice gentle way to eat Paleo and clean.  And cheaper than eating out.  

Add this to your shopping list from above:  Rice, 2.5 lbs ground turkey, 1 medium red onion (I used shallots), 1 bunch of scallions (I omitted), garlic (I used Trader Joes crushed garlic), organic frozen pepper mix (you need half this bag for the breakfast casserole recipe below), bunch of cilantro, BPA-free entree containers

Ok, call the lazy police on me- I did in fact boil the rice on the stove (2.5 cups dry).  BUT, I put the entire raw ground turkey, shallots, garlic, half bag of peppers, cilantro, in the crockpot and cooked 6 hours low while we were away.  Stirred with a spoon and broke up the turkey.  Done.

Take 1/2 cup of the rice, take some of that delish turkey mixture, and put both in those entree containers.  Call that a healthy Paleo lunch friends.  Husband ate that today and said it was awesome.  And, nobody is judging if you eat this for dinner!  

3.  Easy Cheesy Breakfast Casserole

I had a pound of sausage in my freezer.  This recipe sounded so good!  AND IT IS!!

Add those ingredients to your main shopping list, too.  You will not be disappointed.  I baked this in a 9x12 casserole dish.  So like 6-8 servings?  We ate it for breakfast this morning, probably tomorrow morning, and I will freeze the rest in individual serving sizes:)

BREAKDOWN OF COSTS:

Whole Foods (minus the Maca supplement, with gluten free pasta, Against the Grain bread- amazing, but a treat for us, grain free tortillas- also a treat)  $181.16  

Harris Teeter (ground turkey, pork tenderloin, random spices I needed) : $48.72

Total Costs:  $229.88 = 20 dinners, 10 Paleo lunches, Breakfast Casserole (6-8 servings)

And remember, I shopped at Whole Foods and Harris Teeter without coupons:)  

PS:  Ask any questions you have about all that, and I will be sure to answer them.  I cooked the Sundried Tomato Chicken recipe today and it is so very good!!  Get excited!