Friday night I frantically smelled each pair of Target yoga pants, one at a time, to find the least smelly ones for Saturday morning. My husband watched on smiling. I stopped and asked him if he felt like he married a frat boy. (At times, of course) He just shook his head and smiled. He's in for life and sometimes there are no words. No words to describe his wife.
You see I went to a conference earlier that night where Jen Hatmaker spoke. (She does not actually make hats. At least to my knowledge.) It was in North Hills. Y'all, those North Hills girls aren't like us Durham girls. (Umm at least like this Durham girl.) They were super cute and fixed up and expensive looking. On the way home I had a middle school moment. I called hubs in the phone and said, "Honey. I know it's past 9, but I have that Chi running class in the morning, and I gotta go straight to the conference which means I gotta wear workout clothes cause I cant be missing Jen's talk by bringing a change of clothes and stuck changing when I need to hear something important from God and all my pants stink. Crossfit stink. And I can't get the smell out. You know?" He said, "Yeah". (He knows.) So with some further verbal processing I realized that I didn't need new pants. I needed a new frame of mind. I rocked last season's Target yogas (which did not smell- is this all in my head? Do not answer that) and told my hubs I do the best I can do with us and Dave Ramsey and our goals. (Dave, first name basis, is the third leg in our marriage. Other than Jesus. When we pay off debts, then we might kick him out. Until then, we carry on.) And if right now means we have a little bit in our clothing fund, so be it. I will rock it. Yes I will. And I do. And will continue to do til God says go shop, my love. Shop a lot. Spend it, girl. (Which may be never, at least to a crazy degree, which is fine. Christ is greater. Christ is greater. Christ is greater...)
Then I sat down with a thank you card. I told him I was writing my BFF, Jen, and thanking her for coming, speaking into my life, basically living loving Jesus. He reminded me I had only seen her talk and read a couple of books. Is she really my BFF? But then I let him know, not true, in fact I gave her a link to this blog. Because I know I haven't been blogging a while but in the blogging world you read your BFF's blogs and give each other virtual high fives and pray for each other. Yes you do. (Jen if you are actually reading this and thinking, "Carla, I think I have enough friends." Fact- you can never have too many friends. Thus saith me. Friend:)
After Chi running (A blog unto itself. Cool stuff relearning to run), meeting Jen (first name basis), releasing the babysitter from imprisonment, I'm home. Reflecting. Relearning. It's a period of relearning for me. Chi running is breaking my bad patterns, habits of running. Jesus is allowing me to relearn, too. (Does he ever stop?) Truly opening myself up to Jesus and people around me. Jen warns its like pulling a little string. The prayer of "God break my heart for what breaks yours" will happen even if you didn't mean it. God loves our humble, futile faith attempts, answers big time, and rocks our world.
A few years back we started going to The Summit. Our sweet precious church. Enter authentic worship and faith. Meanwhile there are months upon months of dealing with a thorn in my side struggle (will it ever end?). Also meanwhile we decided to make a break from normal track public school and chose to homeschool. Also meanwhile we are praying for Jesus to change us. Sick of fake faith. Are we living with eternal plans, not just retirement plans? I don't know...these are the questions we are asking...
And then, most recently, I got a bad haircut in December. Y'all, it was a mullet. Now, some friends are reading this thinking, oh Carla. It wasn't that bad. Ok then. Just know he cut my hair upside down and I could grab chunks at my ears on either side when I sat back up. Business in the front, party in the back. That is a mullet. He tried to make it cute like Carol Brady's original. Not cute. Too big a change for my high school hair. (Let's not hover if I should have let him do this, K? I was deep in conversation and trusting. And I know where he lives. It is Jesus alone holding me back from knocking...) It was so bad my mama went back into the salon and told him she would have paid him money to leave it alone. Yes she did. Then she felt so bad she had recommended him to me that she bought me a nice pair of shoes.
Anyway, I was sad. This was after not being able to fit into my cute pants from last winter (Maybe I got a little softer. Did I mention I added homeschooling to my to do list?) Well, I told myself I was not allowed to buy new pants all season long. I would wear the same jeans and black church leggings all winter. That I did. Wore holes in the back of them. They are paper thin. They are awesomely comfortable.
Dressing myself all winter long was easy peasy. One pair of pants. Hair up in a pony tail. Less washing. Less thinking. It was great. Enter Jen Hatmaker. I read her books. She voluntarily wore 7 items of clothing for a whole month. So I connected with the clothing chapter. I had like a forced experiment. Taking away my cute hair, wearing one pair of pants. Definitely not to her level though. But enough to change me. It's nice having choices, but not necessary.
Then I looked around me. I have so much. Now, like mentioned earlier, we have a budget, we stick to it, and we're a tough team. We don't overspend a ton. But we can always make some changes. About that time I got brave and started this blog. (And people actually read my words? And apparently I have lots of readers in Germany and Russia. Wish I could meet you personally:) My husband is the co-author of our budget and I'm a big dreamer. He's all for saving money, streamlining, putting it in better places. It makes him go wild. I love it:)
Despite a budget, I am surrounded by things that don't bless me. I am surrounded by ways I can help others. It's a learning process and I'm a student. I am caught up in him writing my story into his song. Removing obstacles to see more of him. I am writing for the glory of God. And it's exciting.
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