So I don't get it right all the time. (Shocker) And some times I have to apologize to my kids. Well, it happened on Saturday. My daughter insisted she wear an outfit that I believed clearly belonged to her sister. (Two girls, two years apart, two sets, everything blends, I get confused. Often.) Typically this would be fine. But I assumed (ooh I dislike that word it usually leads to disaster) that it was her sisters. Mommy was wrong. I should have guessed it. Yes, usually my kids are right and know what belongs to whom. (I have learned to listen and let them help me.) Well, this morning, it hit me. "I am so sorry that I was wrong. That outfit really was yours, and I should have listened more carefully." Her reply, "You know mommy, I will always forgive you." Boom. Straight to my heart. I took them to school and cried wee wee wee all the way home.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself. Lord, did you really give me children and a husband that are so loving and thoughtful? (and sometimes I ask, "Lord, did you really give me crazy kids that I have no idea what to do with?" not this blog...I tell you, not today) Does she mean this? I know we have the teenage years ahead of us (and if someone tells me about girls growing up to be teenagers and unruly and periods and enjoy these years now because..., I will punch you. This is ineffective to mamas and daddies and you will get hurt. And it's sexist.) OK then. Seriously. Why is she so darn forgiving?
Well, at that moment I took her and hugged her and told her that her attitude of forgiveness and grace has been evident since she was a toddler. I walked over to a stain in the carpet and pointed at it. I told her the story of when she was just learning to walk, I went to the bathroom. By myself. (This is a little known mama secret you don't do this. You bring them everywhere with you. Or else.) Well, I assumed (here we go again) she would stay put and watch Elmo. First time mama novice as heck mistake. Well, she didn't. She realized mama had gone to the bathroom without her coffee. And she knew she had a mama who loved, LOVED her coffee. (My coffee cup is my third child in the morning. It goes where I go. No one messes with it.) So, she toddled and brought it to me. (And it was warm, no burns, thank thee good Lord. And hasn't everyone wanted to drink their coffee in the loo?) And she did one heck of a job with few spills. Except that big one we can't seem to get out.
That one story showed me so much about her little character. And that stain serves a purpose. It's a great story. It's a grace story. And as I navigate through some muddy waters these days I am reminded that when you desire to do good, it gets messy. Really messy sometimes. And while she held onto that coffee cup spilling all the way over to me, she had a smile on her face, beaming, knowing she was helping mama.
I'm wondering if that's how God sees me sometimes. Toddling around, smiling at him, splashing all around and sometimes making a mess of myself. I think it is sort of like that. And I know he is smiling back at me, like I did to my baby girl, saying, "Good job, honey. Yeah! You knew what would please me! You are mighty strong to be carrying that big mug! Good job!" I think he does.
I think he loves us so much and he knows our heart. He sees everything. And even if we spill, he'll wipe it up. It's called grace. It frees you up to truly live. I stand before an audience of One. And he's clapping all right. And he's not throwing tomatoes either. Because he knows I don't like stains.
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