Things Aren't Always What They Seem

The other day we were leaving swim lessons, and a woman was pulling out of the circle in front of the facility in a large SUV.  We were walking (well two of us were twirling) to the car, and two older folks were sitting watching us.  This SUV lady turns the wheel slowly, we all watch, ooh she's getting close, and bam!  She hits the pole.  These two peanut gallery people just say, "No she didn't!"  And when she attempted to pull out again, those folks said, "Uh uh she's gonna do it again!"  She scraped the front of her car and drove away.  I felt terribly uncomfortable for her because I figured she had a really bad day and well, that was some pretty difficult maneuvering.

The next practice I saw her again.  She was very professional looking and I smiled at her and she smiled back.  I looked down and noticed she was missing a hand. Things aren't always what they seem.

Today as I was showering the girls off, telling them what hard workers they were at swim lessons, how I was proud of them and how they will feel good about their hard swim work as they grow and develop, yadda yadda yadda.  I was mustering up enough patience at the littlest's request of "Water in my eyes!!!  "Get me the towel!"  "Mommy you're hurting me!" "Stop brushing my hair!" I was getting my nice running shoes all wet adjusting the temperature for this one just right.  Wiping sweat drips from sitting in the free sauna-called-swim-lessons-wear-your-sports-bra-and-pretend-it's-a-workout.  I dry off the littlest and whew, almost there...home dinner bedtime is my mantra these nights...

Then one of the older ladies in the shower beside us, all spry from her workout, and cute little towel covered figure comes out of the shower and says, "And good job mama!"  (She might have clicked her heels on her way to talk to her naked woman tribe but I'm not sure.)

Then I stopped.  Things aren't always what they seem with me either.

I think I do these things for the family, get things planned (it doesn't count that I forget lots of times), wear so many hats that it just seems I look tacky...maybe taking one or more hats off would look nicer?  Isn't simplistic in style now?  You know, the simple outfit, downgraded, yet vintage accessories, maybe some fall boots.  Understated fashion.  Yeah.  Maybe I can take off one of these hats.  Not too "cool" for me to wear, or even be at the moment.

Then I realize my job isn't tacky, it's tactical.  And, well, I've never been cool.  The basis of my role is simplistic- love the Lord and love my family.  The game is played carefully looking at Jesus and intricately aware of what the next step is and sometimes tricky to get it all balanced and sometimes it just all hits the fan and turns into a beautiful mess.

Sometimes I feel like maybe there are parts of me not made for this job.  Sometimes I fail miserably, and end of saying lots of "I'm sorrys" and "Please forgive me's".  Then I realize that's part of the journey, too, and none of us are made to "mother" perfectly.  These girls see this mama fail.  These girls see this mama get up and learn from it.  And I hope they see me relying on God who is making me stronger.  I hope they hear me talk my struggles, weaknesses, and failures out in a Christ-centered fashion, not self-condemning, but calling it out and claiming God's goodness over it all.  We have a Redeemer.  I am not made to redeem myself, but to made to crave.  Enjoy.  Just be in God's midst in relationship.  

Things don't always seem perfectly beautiful.  But perfect Love holds us together.  And with the girls tucked in bed right now, looking back on my day that's all that matters.