You see, I ignore this whole valentine garbage. I pretend with my girls and we get them a balloon, some candy, whatever. We've never celebrated as a couple, at least married couple, and I'm fine with that. Y'all, every day is valentines day around here. I love these people every day. I don't need a day of marked up goodies and flowers to complete my love. Ok. Ron Swanson is exiting the building.
Enter Carla. So I pretended this day wasn't coming. Except I planned a Valentine's party for my oldest's school girl friends. There's like 5 of them and their mamas. Not a huge bash. And because I was breaking out some fancy plates, I decided to make sausage balls. (Sausage balls scream fancy, in case you needed clarifying…)
So I call my mom. She says she will make them for me. I said no way. It was time for me to grow up. (She is the Christmas sausage ball maker. She supplies my Christmas with sausage balls. It's tradition. Don't mess with tradition.) She let me know easy that I am grown up. Well, we argued over that for a while and then she said, "Carla, you know you have to hand mix the ingredients." I told her, "Mom, they will not turn out as good as yours, but I have these awesome stand mixers. Dough hooks is where it's at, mom. Hands free, baby." She assures me that sure, they'll be great. (Because I wasn't turning back and she is super optimistic about everything in life in general.)
This is the thing about the sausage balls. I know they will not be as good as hers. For a couple of reasons: 1. Things other people make taste better. (research driven right there.) 2. I do not hand mix.
She knows it and I know it. I also had the opportunity a few days ago to practice patience and holding my tongue during this snowmagedon (praise God from Whom all blessings flow this junk is melting this southern girl can't handle this) and realized that people don't always change. (I probably should tell you my mama gave this example of patience as proof I have in fact grown up. Whatever. I do not believe it.)
I will not hand mix. Maybe when I'm retired and making my kids sausage balls? Umm, probably not changing.
I cannot make someone do something, change, respond the way I want them to. Arrows will come at me and I have a choice. How will I respond? Keeping my heart at peace with my response is key for me.
For me, this has looked like a few things in the past when dealing with people:
Pulling away from people (you heard me right) because it just might be enabling them or fueling the fire in you, or just plain distracting you from your goals. (Making all attempts to live at peace with everyone, as much as you are able…thanks, God.)
Going into computer mode until I catch my breath and find the words (I've memorized a bunch of research to quote random things on a variety of subjects until I compose myself. True story.)
Changing the subject. (If you do this often, people sometimes get the picture.)
Confront (trying not to let things get ugly but firmness spoken in love gets things across- employ the teacher voice if necessary, with the teacher eye if needed). I am a feisty individual when it gets to that level. Ok, I am a feisty individual most of the time. In my human career I have had to put people in their place, with love, of course. I teach my girls that "good girls" sometimes use strong words. I don't regret my strong.
In all things…consider the source. The source is the person, their negative patterns, habits, and their problem. I try not to make it my problem. Chances are, at some point, if not already, I struggle with what they are struggling with. The thing with sin is that it is universal and doesn't discriminate. My turn will roll around one of these days.
Love above all. Love above all. Tough love. Patient love. Try not to strangle love.
Happy Valentine's Day to my loved ones! Press on and come over for a sausage ball sometime!
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