Diagraming Life

I figured I would do an update on my second year of homeschooling my oldest.  I perhaps could include the little one, but she runs away like an animal getting ready to be eaten as soon as my foot enters the study threshold.  Sometimes she sounds wounded.  Sometimes she looks panicked.  Every time she gets away.  Every single time.  So I'm letting my good friend named the Internet help that one because I am plum out of ideas.  She's learning from animated friends and I sit by her lazily while my sheepskins (sheepskin?) hangs proudly on the wall above us.  Whatever dude she's learning.

So let's focus on that older one.  Well, you see, I started out with this grammar and writing curriculum and we really like it.  I mean, she got bored, so I picked up the pace.  We are set to finish the last installment on the grammar section this semester.  I am in a quandary as to where we are headed next.  It's a bummer, and exciting, and just what the heck.  What the heck.

This one loves diagramming sentences.  Um, ok, let me rephrase.  We love diagramming.  Sometimes we speak words to each other so we can write them down and diagram them together.  It is how we were created and we love words.  We speak them.  We diagram them.  We play with them.  We live them.  Words.  Lovely words.  Words with friends.

We like to write the words down on paper.  We do not like to edit the words.  She is working on a story now and that one is determined to let her friend named "spellcheck" fix her errors.  I mean she starts sentences with the word and.  And I just have no idea where she gets that bad habit.  She also likes to write and leave it alone, just like someone else I know.  (Don't touch my words.  Just read them, K?)

So I call the homeschool rescue squad, the homeschool store, for advice.  Free advice, y'all.  I always disagree with a certain individual who works there and that is fine.  I tell the person that we have run out of grammar curriculum.  What am I told?  "I think it sounds like you need to have some fun."  Really?  We are having fun.  I wish I were kidding because this whole scenario points a denim skirt and loads more children.  And fun family songs and hand claps.  Definitely hand claps.  Family cheers and the Waltons.

Just not really that way, ok?  Because, some days are just bad.  So bad you text your husband you are quitting homeschool.  Quitting your job.  Signing them up for public school because you quit.  There isn't much stopping you from dropping and running to the nearest school.  Yeah, those days come and go.  You know they are children under construction and you're not quite sure why you're homeschooling in the first place it all seems like a fuzzy dream how long will this last?

Then there are those days that don't involve you children who are mostly being children and are about heart issues.  Healing.  Going deep places with God.  Lessons abound.  Uncertainty is in the horizon.

You're left asking, "Lord, where is my life's diagram?"  

Don't get me wrong.  I love adventure.  I love spontaneity.  Silly is preferred.  Realness is a must.  But, Lord, I'm just not sure.

One thing is for sure, and I'll be honest, it has taken me some time to grow into this.  He is not a God where you have to wait for the other shoe to drop.  He isn't waiting to catch you doing wrong.  His plans are for the best, not the worst.  Plans to help, not to harm.  Plans to create hope.  A future.  Gently drawing you to Himself.

Lean in for this one though.  If you remember in English grammar, in the sentence diagram to the right of the center line is the verb spot.  Well, that's all fine and good.  Do you remember what goes under the verb?  (Wait for it, wait for it…)  Friends, it's the adverb.  You know, the words that tell to what extent.  

A homeschool mom can eat.  But if you add an adverb, it can change her 20 pounds or more.  (Firsthand experience).  A homeschool mom can eat heartily.  Guess what?  You can even add another adverb to make it worse.  A homeschool mom can eat very heartily.  How heartily?  Massive amounts under extreme pressure.  (Again, I've just heard this is true.)

Lord, this next phase.  Is it going to be one of a simple sentence with a simple predicate.  Perhaps throw in a delicate, precious adverb?  Or will you take me there.  I know that place.  Where rubber meets the road with You.  Healing.  Growth pains.  Discipline.  Where with time adverbs keep getting diagrammed one on top of the other.  Not the pretty ones.  Those ugly ones.  Telling to what extent.  Taking me there.

Sometimes my lessons from Him are simple, precious sentences.  Other times they are just wow.  Just wow.  As in hang on Carla this next phase will hurt.

The beauty of this is my sentences forevermore are already diagrammed for me.  Planned ahead.  The rub of life is predetermined and I can't derail His plans.  I'm a mess with grammar.  I just plain don't care.  If I ever write anything, y'all, I'll get an editor.  (Bless their heart let's take a moment to pray for them now.  Ok, carrying on.) But God sees me through the lens of His Editor.  The One who saw my soul when He died on the cross.  Filled me with His Spirit.  Picks me up when I fall and gives me words.

Lord may the Words you give me be used to bless.  Bless others.  Bless me.  Bless You.  Amen.