I Was Where You Are

My littlest went to a special friend's birthday party today. The friend invited only two children and it was simple and perfect.  They first had their nails polished at a children's salon, and then we went to Chick Fil A.  The mama had called ahead to let them know she would be ordering off the menu, not having an organized party.  We ate homemade cupcakes, made by the mama, and the girls were just as happy as having a huge bash. These are simple days where feeling pretty, eating chicken, and pink deliciousness delight them.  It was just enough.

We three mamas were talking.  We all have two girls each which puts us in a "girl club" of sorts.  She asked how old my other daughter was, I answered almost 7, and looking at the other mom she said, "Oh, she is where we will be in a few years."  They both have babies and preschoolers and I am at the next phase, so to speak.  Then I started talking.  "I know you are tired now.  You are working hard.  Believe me, as much as I know at this point with my oldest being six, it does pay off.  You are putting in hard, long, tiring hours but if you're like me, you might question, 'Is this all worth it?'  But, it does get better.  All the times you have repeated yourself, it sticks with them.  They change.  You'll see it.  Mine are best friends.  They fight, but it's good.  They are practicing being sisters.  My oldest stands up for my youngest.  They are taught to take care of each other.  And before you know it, you will have been cleaning out your closet like me for a good two hours and think.  Oh my word, I am all by myself and no one is falling apart!"  The moms were teary, and I was choking up, and I decided to stop because I had a full face of makeup on.

But it's true.  Time passes so quickly.  In the midst of having little babies, it seems like the work will never end. All the times you have used a gentle voice when they spilled again, nursed that baby until you felt like a human pacifier or a Dairy Queen, sighed when you look around and you just cleaned up the toys.  Someone decided to dump that toy chest, again!  Seriously?!  The list goes on.  It's like a three ring circus with different scenes coming and going of which you have no control over.  You might sacrifice by putting your career or dreams on hold that don't quite fit in with kids.  (Or with the post baby body syndrome:  I know I am down to my pre pregnancy weight, but it's just an illusion.  Everything shifted, friends.)  

I have those moments, too.  I know most moms will hands down tell you they don't see their kids as burdens.  But if we were all honest with ourselves, we struggle.  And it's normal.  No one has kids because it's easy, right?  But none of us knew at times it would be this hard!  God created us for greatness- becoming weak for him to be strong in us.  That is when I am most strong, when I bend the knee, humble myself, and realize my part is receiving his strength.  I ask, he gives.

In my first year of homeschooling, my days are usually extremes.  Really great times, and then, what the hello kitty, bad times.  I have texted my husband this year more than once asking, "Is this worth it??"  He usually responds remind me of how happy my girls are, how they love family time, and they even love it when I teach them.  It's then I am reminded that God uses me.  Sinful and inadequate me.  I am important and I have an important mission.  I am not just a stay at home mom who lost her career status.  My career is firstly being a daughter of the Most High God, wife to a man I am honored to walk alongside, raising girls for His Glory.  Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.  I loved John Piper's version:  To glorify God BY enjoying him forever.    

I still walk in my girls rooms and smell their baby smell.  It reminds me of sweet snuggles, belly laughs, rocking, singing, and butt paste.  (It stains everything.  We used lots.)  It's easy to forget how hard it is.  These days I can clean my closet without someone choking, but I'm equally blessed that it's hard enough to keep me praying.  I can't do it alone.  I was not made that way.  So I pray.  Lots.  And he always always knocks my socks off wowing me with his glory.  Like a daddy who likes to give gifts.  He is so so good.