This post will resemble the term "vague booking". Like when someone posts on Facebook "blood runs thicker than water but I guess not this time". Or "this is it I've had it" and you're thinking what is going on with Susie? Goodness knows she is such a drama queen. How do I block people's posts again? Seriously. Save the drama for your mama. (I *might* have more patience for these things. Unless I never see them to begin with because that individual is already blocked...)
Well the beauty of God is that you can struggle with anything and find him in the midst of it. I like to vague book on this blog because no one wants to know everything. (I might have alarmed a few of you with my last post and I'm sorry. I was highlighting all my diagnostic adventures spread over the course of three years. I am fine and healthy.) And, you can take Gods goodness and lessons and his character from any lesson you encounter. And by lessons I refer to mistakes, problems, and joyful situations. Life's a classroom you are the student. Now that's the biggest part to truly living I believe.
So I'm at this rub spot right now. It hurts like a classic chaffing situation. Think tender like inner thigh chaff from pants too tight. (If you can't identify then you might as well conjure up another painful rub situation cause I'm out of ideas, k?) Or wait, I have one. Remember the rafts we used at the beach as kids? Riding waves and that painful elbow rub chaff we used to get. Ouch and sad it interfered with fun.
This is the rub: I'm wise enough to know Gods plan is best (most days). But I'm human and childlike enough to keep asking him to change it. I've been asking and just wondering if he wants the situation to get to a place where it's not gonna happen so that he shows up and wow, that's a miracle and only God could have been in that one. Amazing God. Take the impossible make it possible, change the situation and make this blog entry obsolete. I dare you, God. Do it. Amaze me with your goodness and bless the heck out of it.
Here's the problem with that thinking. First, he's already here. Just because things aren't working out to my specifications does not mean he is not here. It doesn't mean he doesn't care. He feels the rub. He knows it hurts. He knows I am looking to him and wondering. Lord, what is the plan?
But my life isn't cookie cutter. My problems are sometimes messy. Things don't always go the way I plan and I'm stuck looking at the problems and not the blessing. Truth be told God saves me from myself. From my own planning my own selfishness.
My husband's hometown used to have this boutique special gift store. You could buy a toothpick from that store and they'd wrap it for you. (It's the south. They also displayed brides wedding patterns for purchasing, or judging, or just for sheer curiousity's sake.) No kidding. They wrapped everything you bought and had these bows. These glorious looking bows they probably used a whole spool of curling ribbon on. Your gift might have been less than 5 bucks but it was wrapped like it was a million. (I should pause here to say I've learned a few things in my days. You can take any crap gift, wrap it up pretty and be good to go. You can curl your dirty hair to bypass washing it, and you can iron less expensive clothes and make them look more expensive. Or you can say something, even prayer requests, and as long as you begin with "bless her heart..." it sure isn't gossip. The above tips I contribute are product of my upbringing. You are most welcome. This is the south. Where image and appropriateness brush every social situation.)
It's almost like he takes the mess, boxes it up, and wraps this glorious bow around it. A bow so fabulous you look at and think. "Man. I want that gift please".
Like a white elephant at Christmas. Ever played that one? It's cute. You go shopping around your house and chose stuff left over from the last garage sell or terribly chosen gifts from someone. You wrap it up real pretty and pick numbers of choosing order.
It's cute until someone decides to go abduct your cat, wrap it up, and bring it to the white elephant. It's all pawing like let me out. You say, "I think that's Muffy's cry" as you sip your drink around the Christmas tree with friends. You unwrap Muffy. Take Muffy home and she runs away never to be seen again. Now that, that's a true story. Not sure the relationship status of the two people in the above situation but that's worst case white elephant. That'll get PETA called in for sure.
But this, this story is my white elephant. I have this beautiful mess wrapped up. It has this Jesus loving beauty bow wrapped tightly. God, what's in there?
I just don't know. But I know the byproduct of this mess all wrapped up. The byproduct is more of God. It's deeper relationships with my family. It's an inner peace knowing I am not in control and his way is best. It's seeing blessing, not lacking. It's a long for when he will make the wrongs right and our lives are mere breaths here on earth. That eternity lies further beyond and I don't take this struggle with me to the grave.
That the only important thing is God himself. And then I'm reminded of how childlike my faith really is. And how simple my problems become when God's giant flashlight shines on them and shows me the next path to take.
And I'm thankful for that bow. That glorious graceful bow that keeps me together.
No comments:
Post a Comment