I probably should add that we didn't just drop her off and run. Well, it was at our gym so we hung around, lifted, I did a Zumba class, etc. We also ran to the window every chance we could get to see her. I watched her ask for sunscreen because the sun was getting hot. I watched her struggle with her bike, get help from her new hero, get a high five, smile, and carry on. I watched her do things I would have never in my wildest imagined God had planned for her, clad head to toe in pink, my little girl.
So she got home and I needed to know details. I wanted to hear about her experience. I wanted to know what she saw, how she felt, what she learned. I needed her words.
I saw a lot of her morning there. I was wondering about her experience with this new hero. Among these big kids with the fancy bikes and helmets that alone cost as much as our yearly beach trip. Her bike had streamers and was most definitely not Olympic. It was heavier than the other kids. It was awkward and it scraped her and she had to work harder. Did she notice? More importantly, did she care?
And I giggle at my questions. I want in on her life. I tell God these girls are just about the best thing he could have ever given me and my sweet husband. I tell my husband that I will always be the mom at the window until the day I die. I will always wonder what's going on. Can I help make it better or coach them to better pastures, and do I need to let go? (Then I pray, Dear Lord, give me the wisdom to let go when I need to, but, thankfully my girls are quite clear themselves in this matter:)
God told me today that's how he feels. He wants my words. He wants me to tell him everything. He wants my heart, my life because he is the greener pasture.
He's not letting go either. People are his finest work. His best creation.
I am the apple of his eye. My loving my girls and hanging on their every word hearing their hearts is a very small, tiny image of a very big God with my whole every being taken care of. My whole being is wrapped in his love and his grace and he is not letting go regardless of anything.
Just this week I have had words of praise for him come from my lips. I've giggled in his joy and I've tasted a salty tear or two and just told him all about it. How I know he is sovereign and wonderful but, the pain. Like my little girls heavy Target bike with the streamers and the scrapes around the ones that are more qualified with the bikes. The nice bikes that make them something. Things sometimes seem harder than they need to be, Lord.
When my dear one struggled on that field, doing these bike drills Olympians perform to win, and couldn't keep up, our hero came alongside her. She helped guide her. She high-fived her and set her up for success. Taking one step at a time following her words. Keep steady. Lean when you need to but don't go off course. Stay steady.
She autographed a book for my baby girl. "Keep smiling all the way to your dreams." She wrote that because my girl smiled all day, in the good and the struggles, she said. I know my girl and believe it was because this special hero knew how to encourage. How to walk alongside and help. Give high fives. Challenged her to get better and train her body to perform.
Do I feel wanted. Desired. Needed. Loved? Very much so. By a God that always sees, wants to hear, and never stops loving and guiding me to greener pastures. To himself.
Do I feel wanted. Desired. Needed. Loved? Very much so. By a God that always sees, wants to hear, and never stops loving and guiding me to greener pastures. To himself.
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