Otherwise

Otherwise
by Carla

I got of out bed on two strong legs.

It might have been otherwise. 

I ate my morning eggs, bacon, and homemade pumpkin latte, a little cold because sometimes it gets messy helping everyone.

It might have been otherwise.

I spent the morning with two little girls, offering my addition of wonder to their detailed discoveries, getting less done than I had hoped, held in a tension between productivity and stopping time.  

All morning I was behind a day.  It was messy.  I was fulfilled.  I was loving my children. I was creating memories I hoped I would remember.  Memories I hoped they would remember.  

At noon I sat down to eat lunch with my girls, looked in their eyes, and wondered when the last time was I had just gazed.  I told myself I needed to gaze more.  

It might have been otherwise.

We ate dinner straight from the crock pot, trying to take turns talking with so much excitement- mostly small things- but nonetheless important when you are small.  I was thankful for the family I had to feed.  I was thankful for the work it takes to manage this house, their education, our lives.  

It might have been otherwise.

I slept in a bed next to a man I love more than anything and planned another day just like this day.

But one day, I know it will be otherwise.