We were doing math today and my oldest was having a hard time focusing. There are so many great things to talk about with mom when we sit down for math! So I told her I'd love to chat. But we need to work first, and asked her to go to the table in the other room to focus. She did, and came back with tears in her eyes. She said, "Mommy, the nice thing about homeschooling is that we get to be together. Can I please work with you in here?" So she and I were together again doing math. This time I politely turned my back so I wouldn't be a distraction. She got her work done like a rock star.
We do have a lot of togetherness. I love it. I think there are definite benefits to homeschooling academically, but I love the time I get with my kiddos. I am spending time with them I will never ever get back. I am having conversations, making memories, and loving sacrificially all day long like I will never get to again in my life for them. For me, this is all worth it.
When people ask where my children go to school, and I tell them we homeschool, I get a few prescriptive responses:
"Oh I could never do that." (Yes you can, if it's God's plan.)
"Wow, you are amazing." (God placed me here. God enabled me to homeschool. It's him.)
Or like the lady yesterday, she just looked at me like I was an alien. (However, I freely admit my freak flag flies high sometimes...)
Funny thing is that is what I used to say to people before we started. And when we first started I was hesitant to tell some people our choice in schooling. I found myself explaining to people why we chose this route. Then I realized I was not explaining, but defending. Sometimes it even seemed like I was apologizing. My heart doesn't need to be on the defensive about anything I do. So heart changing has been a part of this whole journey. Confidence is born through true honest to goodness change. I tell my story for story's sake but the receiver is clearly left to judge if they want.
I often see a huge look of guilt on moms and dads faces after I tell them we homeschool. Like maybe they wish they could homeschool but just can't, or don't choose to, or whatever. One person (not a neighbor) who has been disrespectful (to put it nicely) about our choice recently jeered about our school "hours" seeing my kids out playing and having a good time during the day. I told her we had started 8 weeks ago and will finish our curriculum in March, when I will just begin a seamless transition to the next grade level up. She gave me several reasons why she couldn't homeschool her grandchild for her to "get ahead". She was reluctant that this was not an option for her. I can read between the lines. I had a breakthrough with this woman and hoping she doesn't "need" to open her mouth again unless it's something nice to say. (Maybe she needs to audit my manners class??)
A common theme anytime I have a conversation with people is that I'm always learning. God even uses the negative things to process decisions, affirm, or redirect me. It's like my decision making is God filtered, and God processed, and my history with him is that he can and will use anything or anyone.
This happened recently as I sat beside a friend he other day. He is an educator and knows it is a full time job. It's a sacrifice. He looked me square in the eyes and said, "I would have to quit all else to focus on teaching." Because he knows the commitment to teaching young people. He gets it.
And he hit the nail on the head for me. Last year I was so down on myself that I couldn't do all that I was able to before we started homeschooling. I said yes to just about every opportunity that came my way. I didn't want "socially backward" kids, you know;) I was homeschooling in fear and I was exhausted. It is a weighty job. I recognize that.
This year I still felt the weight. However I pulled back. I have said "no". We aren't in as many clubs, groups, organizations. We still struggle to find time to stay home with so many opportunities, but we're doing it. The difference is I'm saving space for living. I'm saving space for grace. I'm saving my sanity and hopefully saving grey hairs.
I say "no" to plenty. I recorded in a 12 hour time frame saying "no" to three things that I would have said "yes" to if I wasn't homeschooling. Things I typically would find fun. (Then I reevaluated and said "yes" to one of them, because it fit my filter of practically and was something I wanted to do.) My time is more precious now. I have a very full plate and wouldn't want it any differently.
I can honestly say I am not wasting my time, talents or gifts. If anything homeschool has enhanced me as a wife and mama. God has used these little girls to refine me and point me to the One who sacrificed it all. It's not an easy job, but the pay is priceless- memories and love I'll spend well into my retirement.
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