Held Together

I need to document today.  It's just a little crazy around here.  My children are at school, my Magpie dear friend is helping me out as my husband is later than he thought getting them (we have a cover your fanny deal with being late for pick up), because he is purchasing the new van.  (Except, wait, as I type this her text just said my daughter is with the assistant because her daughter just cracked her tooth and they are going to the dentist.  Ok, so maybe I will have her younger daughter to watch?  Stay tuned…) Then he is supposed take the oldest to art then home and at some point they will all eat lunch.  (2pm??)

I am at home with the carpet cleaning men.  (Don't be impressed- we've lived here 10 years now and first time a pro has cleaned them.  Also, please don't judge.  I readily admit we just hang on- as if this post doesn't have that SCREAMING all over it! :)  I have a casserole bubbling in the oven and muffins about to go in because my precious friend just had her fourth baby.  So later on today I get to see them all and get me some baby loving and smell that delicious thing of new baby blessing.  I get to see proud big sister and brothers who are being raised to love the Lord and take care of each other.  (I'll probably get teary.  God's got my heart but tender things these days just take me there.)

Until then I just got update that my husband is with my Magpie's little girl in the waiting room, then he will take my older one to art, bring little one here, feed them all lunch and I leave to go bring the meal to my other dear friend.  Then this afternoon both girls have swim in two different directions.  And I'm not sure my husband finished buying the van…but they let him leave with it so maybe?  But he is at the dentist with my friend's little and is making dental appointments, which I have had been meaning to make.  My Magpie is a good friend like family so we are a loyal pair and thankful for my sweet husband to fill in for me.  (As I sit and blog…oh my word what a day…)

I'm thankful.  I'm feeling selfish because the old van is good enough to give to someone else, the new van is good enough for me.  I have someone to clean my carpets, there are children living in filth.  I have meals I am making for my family trying to avoid GMOs on our budget, there are children without homes.  There are children who go hungry unless the school is open to feed them.  I remember.  I know.  I used to teach some of those children.  I tried to understand but I had a warm home with food in my pantry and clothes to wear.  Amid this crazy, God is at work in my heart.

Even when you pray for God to make your heart like His and you half way mean it, He takes you full way there.  

I'm happy and I'm distracted and I'm just blessed.  Balls of feeling. Trusting God to turn this heart into new.  To turn me into His new.  Amid this crazy stuff just let me feel your peace and direction.  (Also just prayed- please let me get to homeschool at least one lesson this week to educate my children because You know the proverbial buck stops with me.  That is all.  Amen)

I do not have to have it together.  I can shed a tear when a mom is crying at drop off, empathize at the  embarrassment of her child's separation, open up that I may have had time to put make up on but I admittedly do not have it together. That getting rid of a minivan made me cry, that I sin and fail and get up and forgive.  My family forgives me and we love each other some kind of big.  

I pray daily for guidance in raising my girls in this sick world where good triumphs evil you'd like to think but ultimately is made right when my Sweet Lord returns or we see Him face to face.

I can blog about all of this and risk people thinking I'm a crazy lady (but please don't because I'm working through people pleasing issues) because I am connected to the One who does have me together.

Our wedding rings have this inscribed, perhaps an odd verse for a couple of lovebirds' rings, but one my husband and I treasure.

He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.  Colossians 1:17

I am held together regardless of a crazy day, a tragedy, or zombie apocalypse.  We are held together in Him. I pray I turn and give.  I'll start with giving these dear men leaving my house a cookie for the road.  (There was a reason I made entirely too many.) As long as they don't eat it on my clean carpets.