Story of Us

Dear 20 year-old Carla,

You didn't know it, but 14 years would pass until you were the Dean Dome, same 2 teams playing, same man by your side. (PS: The Heels won both times, so get excited:)

You came to the game on a whim, like you did most things your junior year of college. It was the year 2000, and that night they let non-ticket holders in the game for general admission because of the big snow. You smiled on your way in with your boyfriend, sat in the cushy seats in the lower level (wine and cheese, baby!), and life was good. You were having fun.

Did you know that you'd be here now, with him? Did you know he would propose over a year after that game?  14 years, 11 1/2 years married, two children, you are still with this man.

You still sit in the upper level seats. When you get to go to a game, that's all you're willing to put into the purchase.  So don't take these games for granted.  (Tonight you also cuddled with a man who spilled over his seat. Now, we won't hover on the spillage, let's just say you sat hip to hip and had a sweat spot when he got up.  All this is fine and good because it was so nice to be there.  And did I mention the Heels won?  Did you see his face when they won?  Yeah, the little boy came out again.) 

The man you dated then had an old Volkswagen with a muffler that rang like a love call- you always knew when he was driving to pick you up, so did all your roommates. It didn't bother you one bit. (Good thing because you'll drive your old Mustang "Thelma" for a while after you get married.  Well, until her horn won't stop honking on an early Sunday morning and your fellow apartment dwellers are cursing you as you rip off the middle steering wheel and rip the wires out.  Then you'll drive a used minivan, that sadly was never named. PS: Minivans rock- look forward to it!  You still might drive a Mustang again.  But we're not sure about that one.)

He was financially independent, a hard working guy. You two will share and accomplish a lot of goals together, with the help of no one.  You admire his independence, his hard work ethic.  You think he can fix anything.  (PS:  For Christmas 2005, when you buy him the jigsaw kit, don't forget the actual jigsaw.  You will want to make this a quick purchase because, well, it's Home Depot at Christmas.  Take a couple moments to look at the box.  He needs the actual saw, too.)

Yeah I know he thought it was crazy funny when you called Ed Cota a ball hog.  I know, you didn't know his position was to take the ball down the court every time.  That was his position, whatever.  It seemed right to say at the time.  Jokes on him because this game you spend texting a dear college girlfriend throughout the game about the game.  (Well in-between texts about children growing up and you both get teary together while texting "Boo ya" and "yes!!" Because things are never just about basketball.)  

Look around, beside you, those folks?  Just remember in the future connecting with these friends only requires a text, an email, a phone call, and you are back in touch.  Picking up where you left off.  Cherish them.  You are making forever memories.

Carla, you don't realize the magnitude of your decision.  Your focus was on enjoying your time at college.  I can hear you now, "I want no regrets."  I'd say good job.  You are a Carolina girl and fully lived it all.  I know you had no intentions of finding someone there.  But you did, and hang on to this one, ok?  

The man that you are beside will see you at your worst.  He will clean up your vomit when you can't hold down anything for being pregnant.  He will see your stretch marks, your birthing pains, your heart explode when that baby comes out.  He will not laugh at your jokes about "junk in my trunk" or any other negative thing you are struggling with.  Because he loves you and sees the heart behind those statements.  He'll see your vulnerability, your fears, your burdens.  He will want to fix them all, and will learn he can't.  But he will still try, because he loves you.  

This love is so big you're not sure how having kids will change things.  You will see his heart grow exponentially as he cares for your girls.  He walks them both back from the delivery room, won't take his eyes off of them, and stops their crying with the sound of his voice and the touch of his hand.  They know this because he has had real conversations with them for 9 months.  (This is a good thing because I don't want to scare you, but the first one, well, she doesn't stop crying for three months.) 

They have his heart and he has theirs.  He works long hours and plans well to provide for what they need.   He will want to get them things they want, too.  (Don't let him go too crazy with this one.  When they ask for "Squinkies" just tell him no.  You will vacuum more of those than are actually played with.  Ok, so just go ahead and tell him right now, no Squinkies, ok?  You will not regret that one.)  

He gets up for them, too.  He cleans up their messes, hugs broken hearts, and lives for coming home.  They will literally run to him screaming, "Daddy!" and you'll think they could never make him so happy.  The look on his face melts you.  (Sometimes you let them stay up to see him just to see his face.  It's ok, just don't make it a habit.  I probably should let you know sleep is something we value here.  It's basically all centered around sleep.  And Jesus.  Let them sleep.  Memorize that and repeat.)  

You'll see marriages crumble.  Keep going underwear shopping.  (Honey, there will be times your prettiest stuff will be from Wal-mart or Target, which is good because there are times that's all you can afford.)  Buy it anyway.  Jesus has a way of making big underwear purchases work in the budget and your husband will not complain.  You'll see.  (Hide the crazy ones from your children.  The little one might try to put some on her head when the new sitter arrives- let's just not let that happen, ok?)  

You'll still make his lunches with notes and kiss him goodbye.  You'll still keep it simple.  Each other first, then the other things.  You see, that's how it all started.  Simple times, meager budgets, looking over each other to the person God intends them to be.  Don't forget to look over those faults, those annoyances.  Look through his heart and help him shine.

There will be hard times.  Let me tell you a secret though- he hasn't changed.  He still stays until the end of the game because he says the Heels need him.  Now you know this may or may not be true.  Try your best to look over this.  He's a loyal one and the two of you together will move mountains.  Just make sure you enjoy each step of the way.