Puzzled?

We are at the beach with our girls and some friends and their girls (aka princess command center).
For the first time I realized something: I'm a beach marathoner. No, not the running kind, but the get your suit, slap some sunscreen on, go to the beach and stay on the beach all day long. You come home for food, to relieve yourself, but otherwise stay on the beach.  Sleep there if you need to.  Just don't come in, cause you're at the beach.  Sand where the sun don't shine.  Nature's classroom where homeschool might have ended but learning never does.  Feel the waves, wind blowing in your hair, yes, let's experience this, free love (As my alter ego Summer Moondance enters the conversation...) Is there any other way?

Actually, there is.  With young kids, like our friends here, there are naps to be had, coming in from the sun and relaxing. (as I type this I am guarding my third child, Latte, with all my life from a 14 month old sweet precious toddling Houdini. My, how you forget that stage.)  I told my husband he should be thankful I am this way.  I'm a blessing basically.  Because he's a water magnet. Hubs+ water= bliss.

Well, our friend here started a puzzle at the beginning of the week. A 1000 piece puzzle. The kind with a picture of some amazing place in another country probably all enhanced that doesn't even compare to the beauty of the ocean you have a few steps away puzzle. Perhaps a place in Switzerland or Germany where they make their own cream and milk cow teats in that barn in the picture. (cultural stereotypes anyone?) He will finish this puzzle. There is no other way.

Well, I'm not so much a puzzle girl. I need more language. More action, baby. I'm an Apples to Apples kinda girl with subjective rules and laughs and the analytical ones in the group getting all mad cause this game is getting out of control and that doesn't make sense.  (I once won the game with "Helen Keller" and "outrageous". I love that game.)

Well I sit down last night and try my hardest to put that freakin puzzle together.  I couldn't make the pieces fit together. The light was offending me all bright and glaring on the pieces.  Friends around me were much more successful. Finding pieces, celebrating, intently looking all around and all. I just stared. There must have been 50 blue grey "water" pieces in front of me. I was clueless.  I politely exited but not without lots of laughs cracking jokes blaming my not putting nary a one puzzle piece in that stupid puzzle.  (Even my oldest daughter got a piece. Feelings of inadequacy anyone?)  My friend just said she dreamed about the teat puzzle last night. (my insertion of "teat" mind you...)

Well it's been a messy beautiful week. Starting with some great time with family Sunday, a couple of things sandwiched in before we left for the beach, Monday, some disappointing but relieving news Tuesday (Yes those two actually exist in the same sentence.  Thank you Lord for continuing to rock my world with a little live entertainment crazy. You may please stop now.)  And we love to beach marathon so much and we love our friends and our girls have not completed their princess collaborations/missions so we stay another day. (rahrah homeschool!)

And I'm still having control issues. Control issues with God. They actually never go away, if you weren't aware of this already.  My heart is bent towards wanting what I think is best for me.  My timing.  My pursuits.  Things to be put together. Not always this side of heaven.

But you see, Gods goodness is like this:  those difficult things?  Well I try to fix them, put those puzzle pieces together. But the glaring light distorting the images, so many pieces, overwhelming even to those analytical ones. We were not designed to do this alone. We were made for relationship with God. Made to gaze at the one who sees the big picture.  (The one who put those cows in the barn to be milked:)

We are created to love, trust, take baby steps towards the one who does know. And knows how many 
hairs exist in our head. I'm reminded of this. I'm reminded to take those little steps with courage 
sometimes, subconscious other times. Not so much grabbing other people's coffee, but moving 
forward.  One step at a time.  A toddler to her Daddy. 

Because the great Puzzle Maker knows what's best. He has the birds eye view.  I bend the knee and 
trust.

The following speaks to me now...Caedmons Call, "Walk with Me"
Walk with me quiet, walk with me slow
With watered down coffee and words of gold
Cause I can feel the edges of these things
when I hear you speak to me
Walk with me Empty, walk with me strong.
The hush of our voices when the day seems so long.
It is like a balm, it is like a jewel
It unravels all I thought I knew.
Will you lead me, beside the still waters,
where the oil It runs over.
My cup overflows.  You restore my soul.